FTW.54 Seven Year Marriage Ache

Fatherhood in a Technological World – Message #54

Another wonderful subject deserving a book on its own, another tough but colorful subject.

If you’ve lived and survived through the first seven years of your marriage you most likely know what I am talking about (Reminds me of the title of one of my favorite songs, “Seven Year Ache” by Rosanne Cash, daughter of the great Johnny Cash).

So what am I talking about resolving marriage issues in a fatherhood in a technological world blog? Well, isn’t the reason pretty clear? If your relationship as a couple is characterized by commitment and love, then you are also in a better position to help your children navigate growing up with or without an abundance of irritating technology.

When your average lovely couple gets married, you have two imperfect people getting together who are going to find out what it means to be responsible at an entirely different level, one that many experiences can help prepare you for but only in an incomplete way.

The finer aspects of the relationship will allow for self-expression and some self-indulgences, but much of the relationship is making sure that the family ship is heading the right general direction, staying afloat, and understanding that marriage is not actually two enemy combatants locked together in one vessel.

You will discover that while you may have valued your independence before, you will slowly transform into finding much of your fulfillment and happiness through the happiness and fulfillment of your wife and your children.

There will be fun times, like going out, vacations, experiencing the growth of your children, but like many things in life, there will be cycles or emotional development, crisis and crisis management, trouble with family and friends, work problems, midlife confusion, empty nesting, illnesses and worse. Financial preferences and goals are something that all couples have conflicts over, but that’s a huge topic best held off for another time.

The point is, if you’re on the right track, it’s better to share your successes and defeats with your indisputable ally rather than doing it alone.

Marriage is not an easy road, but life is not naturally easy. There’s many lessons to learn, vulnerabilities and weaknesses to uncover as well as character strengths you never knew you had, because you were never before stuck in the relationship that, under most circumstances, you are not meant to walk away or hide from. Whatever you were thinking before, personal responsibility, with all it’s pain and joy, is what you are signing up for when you say “I do!”

Once children get involved, they take your idea of sacrificial love to another dimension. They all start out so innocent and vulnerable before they become little monsters who are specially geared to drive you nuts.

Congratulations, you have joined the ranks of being a husband and father.


Where can you get help?

Some couples or individuals think that going to counseling is a sign of weakness. They are right, but it’s not the kind of weakness they think it is, it’s the weakness of pride or a lack of humility.
It is true, for many spouses it’s not easy to take some advice or recommendations from their spouse on troubled marriage issues! Strange but true. For some reason, advice from an almost total stranger will be easier to accept simply because the suggestion is coming from a third party. There’s a saying that “familiarity breeds contempt”, and marriage is not immune to those attitudes.

It’s always important to find a person, counselor, teacher, therapist, friend, doctor, drill instructor, coach, mentor, senior officer, manager, or minister (to name a few) who you feel comfortable with. While a private session works well for some, a group seminar or workshop on marriage  or relationship issues is better suited and often more cost effective.

I listen regularly to FamilyLife radio and they are always discussing something relevant. Alternately, online videos and books are a more self-improvement method of improving your knowledge about relationship issues. Discussing a self-help book with your spouse can be a fun way to spend some of your private time together.

If you belong to a church, they often offer free guidance or counseling for a variety of help topics.

Check out my short video on the subject, now that’s really easy.

Sorry, I don’t sing “Seven Year Ache.” I leave that to Rosanne Cash.




About Fatherhood in a Technological World

Fathers of young children in today’s modern society are facing unprecedented challenges with the wave of technology allowing ever easier access to the internet. The effect on your children has and will have a great influence on their growth. As a parent, you may be feeling the anxiety of having to confront the challenges of being at the end of the rail of the powerful forces driving technology into the laps and hands of your children.

Your work is cut out for you are a father. Even though popular culture doesn’t do well to herald the value of the leadership role of men in the form of fathers, let me tell you right now, being a father in this time and age has never been more important.

Click here to read the complete pilot blog article for FTW

Use what you find that may be helpful and share some of your own insights in my comments.

Tag along for the ride and let’s see if we can cover some common ground.


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Challen Yee


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