FTW.49 Couples: Confront now or pay later

Fatherhood in a Technological World – Message #49

This is another very tough subject. I will say this video is really for the couples who have children and not really as much for the couples who do not. But it works for both.

There is a dynamic with children that takes your relationship as husband and wife to another level. Every personality and character quirk a husband and wife end up tolerating about each other or for some reason choose not to confront each other on will crop up when your children are old enough to begin exercising their independence.

Children are adults that need time and space to develop, and despite their pint size and still childish behaviors lurks the formation of their own personal opinion and values which which are not influenced by years of decades of political correctness and/or repression.

There’s a saying that “children help parents become adults” and what I present in my video has something to do with that reality.

I would venture to say that every couple, as much as they may love each other for sickness and in health, for richer or for porter, until death do you part, has a list of attitudes and behaviors about their spouse that they would like to change if possible. These fall into a range and some are just inconvenient and some are truly things that only a married couple in their commitment find themselves able to forgive the other for their trespasses!

Well, oh virtuous ones, children don’t have the “maturity” to see things in the way it has taken you decades to position yourself and they will find whatever weakness you’ve harbored and either call a spade a spade or be subject to a lifelong repression that they will need a lifetime to undo.



I suggest couples need to learn to really learn how to love and be committed to each other first and learn some techniques to confront their spouse’s errant attitudes. Your feelings are a good place to start but do not begin by blaming your spouse, start by expressing “I” rather that “you” statements. Your spouse, if they are not totally dense, should learn that these approaches are meant to be constructive problem solving and not attacks on their person.

When you get into a relationship know that “problem solving” is a key characteristic of a healthy relationship. What you need to understand, you new and young couples, we’re not just talking about what colors the wedding party of the house trim should be or which school district to live in, we’re talking about you and your bad habits, incorrect assumptions, and flat out character flaws you are not yet aware of.

Some times of the day are the wrong times to begin the criticizing, there should be a time and place where couples can be free to open up, without distractions and make it a regular discipline. There is a teaching that suggests not letting the sun go down on your anger, so being able establish a discipline to be honest on a daily basis is ideal. Repressing your own feelings may result in passive aggression and yet exploding is not the answer either. Having an attitude that your spouse is neither the enemy nor intentionally doing something to be wrong is a good place to start.

Remember, it really helps to at least do the 5 positives to 1 negative whether for your children or for you spouse. The more positives the better to cushion the inevitable loving confrontations!

Don’t take your spouse for granted, there are a lot of things you appreciate and enjoy about them, don’t get lazy in letting them know those things!

We all need to begin with the understanding that we are not perfect and becoming part of a committed relationship is like signing a contract that means “I am willing to be refined from this day on from my immature and sometimes nasty imperfect self to become someone who is willing to be the best person I am meant to become as a spouse and as a parent, all in the name of love and commitment.”

Here’s what could be another New Year’s Resolution.




About Fatherhood in a Technological World

Fathers of young children in today’s modern society are facing unprecedented challenges with the wave of technology allowing ever easier access to the internet. The effect on your children has and will have a great influence on their growth. As a parent, you may be feeling the anxiety of having to confront the challenges of being at the end of the rail of the powerful forces driving technology into the laps and hands of your children.

Your work is cut out for you are a father. Even though popular culture doesn’t do well to herald the value of the leadership role of men in the form of fathers, let me tell you right now, being a father in this time and age has never been more important.

Click here to read the complete pilot blog article for FTW

Use what you find that may be helpful and share some of your own insights in my comments.

Tag along for the ride and let’s see if we can cover some common ground.


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