Fatherhood in a Technological World – Message #31
Being effective as a father is a lot easier you have a good partnership with your wife.
There is no one who is going to take more responsibility for rearing your children than you, the mother and father. Hence, your leadership role involves maintaining a healthy and vibrant love life with your wife. When both of you are working well together, the responsibility of rearing the children is simply easier. Not easy, but easier.
THE NEED FOR RITUALS
If you’ve been there you know what I’m talking about, and if you are newly married, maybe it hasn’t come on your radar screen yet, but there can be times when life has got you so beaten down that “love” in the “entertainment tonight” sense is not on your priority list.
It’s times like these where your daily rituals, the ones that remind your wife that you do not take her for granted and that she really isn’t just your family’s domestic help, come into play.
You should have daily disciplines for your children, to acknowledge them and not take them for granted, but they are just as meaningful, if not more apparent, for your wife.
For some couples, you’ve created many rituals from the beginning of your marriage, but as the children arrive, the time you have together becomes more interrupted, diluted and distracted. Your rituals and traditions will be tested and evolve in their practicality and meaningfulness.
As a couple mature they should become more sensitive to each other’s “love language.” Or at least you ought to be! Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The 5 Love Languages” which explains 5 basic ways love can be expressed and how some are more meaningful than others, depending on the unique attributes of you and your spouse.
The Five categories are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality TIme
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch.
If you want to learn more about these “languages” I recommend you check out the book (or search my blog for what I’ve written before) but a mistake you want to avoid is assuming that your spouse’s most important language is the same as yours. While each expression is appreciated individually, you all might prioritize them in a different order. While you might like sharing leisure time, she might like working on a home project. Make room for both.
Another trap a husband may fall into is losing the desire to pursue his wife. Yep, things are quite exciting when you were courting, but after many years of the daily grind and the surviving of parenthood, that Fire may be worn and tested through all of the energy draining experiences of marriage and family life.
Everyday, no matter what trials may come, you have to reaffirm your commitment to your role as a husband and father. If you are a man of Faith, your faith will be tested. And through that testing you will discover the breadth and depth of the soul that dwells inside you. Sometimes, it helps to transport your mind back to special times in the past and then realize, if you look with loving insight, that that chemistry still exists. As Picard says, “Make it so.” You can be adventurous, be daring.
PRAY IF IT’S IN YOU
I suggest, if you are a man of faith, learn to incorporate prayer into your daily life: personally, as a family, and as a couple. If you’re not much with words, just keep it simple and sincere.
You learn that love is far more than a feeling, it draws upon and tests everything that makes you a family man and husband.
About Fatherhood in a Technological World
Fathers of young children in today’s modern society are facing unprecedented challenges with the wave of technology allowing ever easier access to the internet. The effect on your children has and will have a great influence on their growth. As a parent, you may be feeling the anxiety of having to confront the challenges of being at the end of the rail of the powerful forces driving technology into the laps and hands of your children.
Your work is cut out for you are a father. Even though popular culture doesn’t do well to herald the value of the leadership role of men in the form of fathers, let me tell you right now, being a father in this time and age has never been more important.
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