Post-funeral reflections on the husband wife relationship
Writer’s Note: Since I wrote yesterday about “preparing for a funeral”, my thoughts for today naturally go back to the testimonies your family has to say about you. I was also influenced by the Family Life Radio broadcast where I happened to hear an exhortation regarding the passage of scripture quoted at the end of this post.
As a man, I want to pull you gently aside for a moment and tell you, another man and husband, something that you need to remember. It could save your marriage and bring you the joy that you may be missing from your life. If you happen to be Chinese, well, you’ll get a little bit extra out if it, but it doesn’t matter, if your are a man, I hope you’ll get it.
Here’s what I have to say to you…
At least in most Chinese funeral/memorial services when the father passes out of this world, the wife or mother does not go up to the podium or pulpit to say a few heartfelt words to a crowd of people, give that scarier-than-death experience to the children!
The typical or traditional Chinese mom, I dare say typical because there is nothing typical about anyone’s mom, is a quaint and reserve person with worry on her back, millions of hours in the kitchen cooking Chinese cuisine from the old village, Chinese pastries and delicacies on holidays…
Cleaning the house, making sure our dirty shoes are off before we come into the house…
Photos of her are on the mantle in her cheung-sam (traditional long dress) during weddings and special occasions at various ages progressing from the young and beautiful to the aged and wise…
She makes do with a little kitchen, sometimes electric range kitchen, that is shrouded in aluminum foil, that is always in operations with loads of left over food to run by you one plate after another every time you visit or come home…
Her day is a daily routine that is both unregarded as it is important to the running of the home. She doesn’t stay in the limelight, and her work is never done and she wills herself to do every task she believes is necessary for the well being of the family.
She doesn’t show it, but the worry is there, for everyone. She knows what she does is important even though no one can comprehend everything that she does to help keep the world together. She doesn’t get a review, no one writes her an evaluation, she rarely gets a performance bonus, and she does it all anyway.
So I’m going to draw a passage from the Bible that may help some of you husbands who have not yet left the planet to consider your wife. She may not come anywhere close to the stereotype I just wrote above, but she has many of the character qualities that you as a man need to recognize.
Our wives are not meant to be a carbon copy cutout of ourselves, you may even feel let down by her in areas of your life that seem incongruous with who you are. Guess what bro? If she could tell you, you’ve let her down also.
But the tips from Philippians is meant to help you stay humble, honest and loving as a man who is just as fallen as anyone else. You thought you started out as perfect, but the preacher forgot to tell you, you are starting out as imperfect and need to strive like a warrior in battle for perfection in your relationship.
So step off your high horse for a moment and know you have got to encourage your wife, despite the mistakes and not knowings, and know you are not each other’s enemies. When you are in close combat fighting the world, you get the privilege of knowing all of your mate’s goodnesses and weirdnesses. Funny how we don’t look at ourselves being as weird as we are.
Keep your butt out of trouble: Focus on her positives and tell her what they are.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true whatever is honorable, whatever is right; whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.
So what are you going to do today?
6:36 1st draft/proof
7:08 gone over, Tagged, photo’d publish
I’ll see you… on the next page