Today we get into the realm of physical affection which covers everything from holding hands to sexual intimacy. This is the last in the series covering Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages.”
Love Language #5 = Physical Touch
“Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love … for some individuals [it] is their primary love language. Without it they feel unloved.”
“Physical touch can make or break a relationship … far louder than the words “I hate you” or “I love you.””
Chapman continues, “A slap in the face is detrimental to any [person], but it is devastating to [a person] whose primary love language is physical touch… clearly our bodies are meant for touching but not for abuse.”
Touching, unlike the other four senses, is not limited to one area of the body. Your ability to be a student of your spouse, where to touch (or not) and with the desired frequency and intensity is a serious study of how to be intimate.
Consider this: Of all the various love languages, physical (sexual) intimacy is the only one that at its pure form is only design to be fulfilled between married couples. If in your marriage, you are not becoming an expert on how to genuinely please your spouse, I would argue, from a Christian point of view, that you are not even being Scriptural! (in a future post, I would like to address this point further).
Brief touches of non-sexual acts of affection, like a touch on the shoulder, a hug, during the day may be an important way of increasing the points on the touch-counter (or adding fuel to the emotional gas tank).
Often, the responsibilities for married life, children, house maintenance, finances, and work, can interfere with sexual and non-sexual touch. It’s important to ‘touch bases’ to fulfill each other’s need during these periods, otherwise serious isolation issues can result.
Ever think your spouse was getting too frisky?
It could mean you are being too prudish!
Take the hint from your spouse’s affectionate advances, that may be the way they would like for you to approach them.
Gary Chapman does not leave you hanging with an assessment of the 5 Love Languages, there are additional chapters “Love is a Choice,” “Love Makes a Difference,” and “Loving the Unlovely.”
Without giving away his book “The 5 Love Languages” I will close with an excerpt from “Love is a Choice”:
How can we speak each other’s love language when we are full of hurt, anger, and resentment over past failures? The answer to that question lies in the essential nature of our humanity. We are creatures of choice. That means that we have the capacity to make poor choices, which all of us have done. We have spoken critical words, and we have done hurtful things. We are not proud of those choices, although they may have seemed justified at the moment. Poor choices in the past don’t mean that we must make them in the future. Instead we can say, “I’m sorry. I know I have hurt you, but I would like to make the future different. I would like to love you in your language. I would like to meet your needs.” I have seen marriages rescued from the brink of divorce when couples make the choice to love.
Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different. When we choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our past conflicts and failures.
Did you like going over these 5 Love Languages? Could your marriage use a tune up or an overhaul? Review all five and consider how this knowledge may help you.
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I’ll see you… on the next page
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